When I received the diagnosis of breast cancer in 2015, one thing changed immediately. I knew what doesn’t matter.
Within minutes of hearing the news, any resentments, hurts, or feelings of betrayal, etc. I had been harboring the previous 3 years simply evaporated. Gone. Even today, it is hard to dredge up those feelings. In light of a life-threatening illness, they became SO evidently unimportant. I found what mattered most was to be happy. I had such a difficult time finding any measure of joy or happiness during the cancer journey, and for a while following it, that I longed for it like a man in the desert dying of thirst.
Being Happy is All That Matters
I believe there are three reasons why being happy is all that really matters.
1) It’s what we want
No matter what we desire – a new job, car, relationship, healthy body, travel to exotic places, happier children, a cat that comes to you when you call it – we want it because we believe that when we have it, we will feel good, better, happy.
I’ve come to realize that the motivation to everything we seek is to feel those good feelings. This desire to feel good was the underlying motive in the various forms of relief I sought earlier in life: drugs, alcohol, food, and people. If you’ve ever participated in activities that were not the best for your physical or emotional health, it was most likely because you were seeking relief; wanting to feel good, feel better, feel happy.
Take 30 minutes and jot down two or three things you really want. Then ask, “Why do I want this?” Keep asking “why?” to each answer until you have no more answers except, “Because it would make me feel happy.”
2) Happiness is our core
This explanation from Abraham-Hicks helped me understand that happiness is the essence of who we are. I am paraphrasing, but the essence was this:
Rarely are we in the presence of nature, babies or animals without feeling that warm fuzzy happy feeling. The reason is they do not obstruct the flow of who and what they really are. (God, Source Energy, whatever you wish to call it, doesn’t matter.) That energy is so strong it reaches out and tickles that which we are (God, Source Energy, whatever you wish to call it, doesn’t matter.). When we feel those wonderful, joyful feelings in the presence of nature, babies or animals, we are feeling the core of who we really are. Who we really are is happy, all knowing, all loving and profoundly creative energy.
3) Feelings are Energy
Feelings are energy, and what we allow ourselves to FEEL causes more of that same feeling to continue.
Memories and emotions associated with situations perpetuate and deepen the feelings. Feeling happy attracts thoughts of happy things. Those thoughts attract more like them, and the feelings are reinforced. The thoughts help to feel better now, and it is what we really want. It is the way to achieve a lifetime of pleasant, happy circumstances and events in our life.
What about Success?
Success isn’t necessarily happiness.
Jim Carrey is now a famous actor; but long before he was discovered, he used to sit in his car at the top of Mulholland Drive in Southern California overlooking the twinkling lights of Los Angeles, imagining someone handing him a check for one million dollars for his performance in a movie. This is a man who has achieved it all. And what does he say about that? ‘Getting everything, you’ve always dreamed of is not the answer.’
My definition of success is the ability to live as often as I can feeling good, better, and most importantly, happy.
So now what?
Appreciate.
One of the easiest ways to reach happiness is to start noting things you appreciate. Start by writing down three things you feel appreciative for at the end of each day. At first, it may be tough if you are deep in the pits. But before long, the momentum of this practice will be so strong everything your eyes land on leads to thoughts of appreciation. It doesn’t have to be a big huge thing. How about appreciating how comfortable your bed is? Your pillow? The covers? Seriously. there is SO much in our lives we can appreciate. It is just a matter of developing the habit.
And it is worth it because, what really matters, is to be happy.
